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The Amazing Ribbon Wave

December 18, 2011

Announcing the new, amazing Ribbon Wave!  Years of audio research and advanced entomological farming have culminated in what is arguably the most stunning advancement in audiophile technology.  The Ribbon Wave is, simply put, perfection in a silk ribbon that when wrapped around your cables will produce audio that has to be heard to be believed.

Ribbon Wave

We started by using selective breeding (no genetic modification here!) to produce Bombyx Audiophillia, a new species of silkworm bred for the sole purpose of making our Ribbon Wave.  The silk produced by B. Audiophillia can remove digital artifacts, unpleasant harmonics, and other irritating effects that modern technology does to our pristine audio.  This silk is woven into ribbons, which can be wound around cables and other audio devices to a dramatic effect.

Ribbon Wave will come in a variety of colors, but this is for much more than a visual effect.  The dye is designed to interact with harmonics in the particular style of music you listen to.  For example, purple is perfect for the Royalty of Classical Music,  Bach and Beethoven, while red is best for the more working class roots of Oliver Messaien and Heinrich Schultz.  Green is great for Jazz.  Gold is ideal for Classic Rock.  Ribbons of different colors can be mixed.  A combination of green and gold is preferred for Hip-Hop (Green for the Money, Gold for the Honeys, baby!).

There is much to B. Audiophillia that makes its silk perfect for this task.  Great breeding is primary.  But our silk farms are second to none.  The farms are located in the idyllic hills of China, near the border with Myanmar.  The climate and remoteness of this location is perfect for raising silkworms far away from modern influences such as pollution, noise, and electromagnetic fields (EMF).  The silk of B. Audiophillia cannot remove the harmful effects of modern technology in our audio unless it was produced from silkworms that were never violated by such things.  We take this so seriously that there are no roads within 10 miles of the Ribbon Wave Silkworm Farm.  Workers at the farm must walk those 10 miles without modern conveniences of cell phones, GPSs, iPods, or synthetic rubber shoes.  It goes without saying that everything is done according to the strictest organic farming practices.  No pesticides, growth hormones, or steroids are allowed.  This goes for the workers as well as the silkworms!

Bombyx Audiophillia -- The Ribbon Wave Silkworm

About the times the silkworm eggs hatch into larve, they are sorted into groups according to the style of music that they respond best to.  Each group is then isolated by several miles of lush hills so that they can be bathed in that style of music without “crosstalk” to other groups.  Since there is no modern technology at the Ribbon Wave Silkworm Farms, this music can only be  produced by live musicans!   Over the 2 month long lifespan of the silkworm, they only hear the best music from their particular genre.  The harvested silk is then woven by indigenous puerile craftspeople into a work of art.  Finally the silk ribbons are dyed using the finest organic rare-earth pigments and dyes imported from the farthest reaches of the globe.

The Ribbon Wave will be available soon.  Initial production runs have been quite successful, with response from our beta testers being nothing from positive.  The first colors available will be white, purple, green, red, gold, and puce.  Later in the year we will have orange, yellow, and black.  Available in 1 cm wide ribbons on spools of 50 and 200 feet.  MSRP is US$99 per foot.

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3 comments

  1. As an early beta tester, I can confirm that the puce ribbon makes my Joe Satriani sound so much more Satriani-y. This is one amazing piece of shit! Will wrapping this around a vocalist’s throat make them sound better?


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